


The Most Masculine of Men

by ember_alda



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, more BAMF than Chuck Norris
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-03
Updated: 2012-04-03
Packaged: 2017-11-02 23:32:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/374604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ember_alda/pseuds/ember_alda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xanxus doesn’t have time for summaries; he only has time to punch them in the face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Most Masculine of Men

Xanxus doesn’t have time for emotions, Xanxus only has time to set things on fire with his fists. He eats beef cut raw because he wants to, he drinks whiskey and the tears of his enemies, and Xanxus has worn the pelt of any animal that dared look him in the eye.

He didn’t need fucking women because he could set himself on fire and nothing could ever top himself. Xanxus didn’t need subordinates either, but he lets them hang on because someone like him deserves servants to do his bidding and people to lick his boots and live footstools to rest his legs on.

He’s fucking ripped and if any trash tried to destroy him by dropping anvils or pianos or some other pansy-ass thing, Xanxus wouldn’t even have to lift his gun, his abs would cleave through diamond plated steel like the mailman through your mom. Xanxus didn’t have a father, he was birthed from two meteors colliding in the sky and fell on earth fully grown and naked in the middle of Rome, almost destroying the entire capital. When scientists came to try and study the crash sight he punched them so hard the Pope felt it while going to the bathroom, and not number one.

Xanxus is so manly that when he ordered his liger to have cubs they popped out on the spot it was so scared shitless of his rage. When he commanded his army of ligers they pulled him in a large 24k chariot that would only roll across devoted subordinates who threw themselves down to cushion his tracks. If Xanxus wanted to, he could have simply defeated Byakuran by punching the earth so hard it split in half engulfed in flames and destroyed humanity and everything on it in a ball of Apocalyptic fire, but he wanted that little shit Tsuna to get his due. 

And if anyone, _anyone_ compared him to Chuck Norris he would roundhouse kick them in the face so hard their atoms would split into atoms.

**Author's Note:**

> So, there is my ode to Xanxus. I think everyone needs time off to properly reflect on his manliness. (And perhaps do similar fic formats with other characters? XD)


End file.
